What kind of antivirus do pirates use?

Avast ye maties!

For more pirate jokes; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pirate_joke

OMG, those were really, really bad.

What kind of socks do pirates wear?

Arrgghyle.

Which pirate was always getting little pieces of the boat stuck in him?

Long John Sliver.

This one isn't exactly about pirates, but here goes:


Two guys are taking a walk, and one sadly comments to the other, "Well, all of that phone sex has finally caught up with me."

The other replies, "How is that?"

The first man answers, "Now I have hearing AIDS."

Dude... (OK, I laughed ).

What's the big deal about the bird flew? What's it supposed to do, walk?

From ucomics.com

Groan...


Here are some good ol' Confucius Say jokes:

Confucius Say...

...man who fart in church sit in his own pew.

...man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

...man who runs in front of car gets tired.

...man who runs behind car gets exhausted.

...caterpillar with athlete’s foot is better than giraffe with sore throat.


That's all I can think of off the top of my noogin.

Did you hear about the Native American who drank way too much iced tea?

He drowned in his own TeePee.

The Native American went to the psychiatrist.

"Doc, I've been really stressed out lately. One minute I think I'm a TeePee, the next I think I'm a WigWam. TeePee, Wigwam, TeePee, WigWam, it never stops. Can you prescribe me a mood relaxer?"

Doc says "Why do you feel a mood relaxer will help?"

"I think I'm two tents."

Lokoike and Mike Rochip have now offended the Chinese, the Native Americans, and anyone and everyone with any sense of humor whatsoever.

What do you call a guy who sits in front of your door? Matt

What do you call two guys who stand in front of your window? Curt an' Rod

What do you call a guy who floats around in your tub? Bob

What do you call a man in your bushes? Russel

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff

What do you call a man holding a shovel? Doug

What do you call a man you dug up? Pete

What do you call a man who arrives in the mail? Bill

What do you call a man pouring water into a jug? Phil

What do you call a man who is exercising? Jim

What do you call a man who writes? Mark

What do you call a flying woman? Rose

Assuming anyone still has their sense of humor, lokoike has gone a step further and offended anyone who has a name. Boo-yah!

2 Nuns in a bath, one say to the other "where's the soap?"
The other one says, "it sure does"




I'm gonna go straight to hell for that one!!

I dont get the nun joke.

Sorry didn't realise I'd made a small typo.

i still dont get it.

but heres one.

whats red, white and black and silver and cant get through a doorway?

a nun with a spear through her head.

TO MY DARLING HUSBAND :

I'm sending you this letter in a bogus software company envelope so you'll be sure to read it. Please forgive the deception, but I thought you should know what's been going on since your computer entered our lives two years ago. The children are doing well. Tommy is 7 now and is a bright, handsome boy. He has developed quite an interest in the arts. He drew a family portrait for a school project. All the figures were good, but yours was excellent! The chair and back of your head are very realistic. You would be proud of him. Little Jennifer turned 3 in September. She looks a lot like you did at that age. She is an attractive child and quite smart. She still remembers that you spent the whole afternoon with us on her birthday. What a grand day for Jen despite the fact that it was stormy and the electricity was out. I am doing well. I went blond about a year ago and was delighted to discover that it really was more fun. I discovered that the household chores are much easier since I realized that you don't mind being vacuumed and that the feather duster makes you sneeze. The house is in good shape. I had the living room painted last spring. I'm not sure if you noticed it. I asked the painters to cut air holes in the drop cloths so you wouldn't be disturbed. Well, dear, I must be going. The family is leaving on a ski trip and there is much packing to do. I've hired a house- keeper to take care of things while we are away. She'll keep things in order, fill your coffee cup and bring your meals to the computer room just the way you like it. I hope you and the computer have a lovely time while we are gone. Tommy, Jen and I think of you often. Try to remember us while your disks are booting....Love, Cindy.

What's green and turns red at the flick of a switch?

A frog in a blender

Heh, that part made me laugh!


Okay, so a cannibal passes his brother in the woods...

Did he end up with a pointy head???

Pointy head? A bit confused am I (not that that takes much). And whilst you're on, explain the nun joke to me.

Must be my sick sense of humour, pointy head.........you need to think about how the cannibal passed his brother, as in pinched one off..........

Now the nun joke doesn't come over too well unless you say it out loud.......where's the soap..........wear's the soap, get it now?

Maybe I'll keep the jokes in the cupboard in future.

Ha! I get it; pointy (sorry, told you I was slow).

Your only slow when Mike Rochip isn't online..................j/j guys you make my work day go in so much faster reading your banter

You mean I'm smarter when he's on?! I just assumed that when both of us were on the CCleaner forum at the same time, the forum's IQ dropped about 1,000 points or so! And when he, I, and kobrakommander56 are all on at the same time... let's not go there.

I still dont get it, lmao.

Britney Spears may be pretty but Brittany Spaniel sure is a dog.

How does Shania get from concert to concert?
She takes the Twain.

Ann and Nancy Wilson were performing a concert in Seattle. There was a heckler in the audience and although he was very annoying the band just blew him off. Eventually he said something so outrageous that Ann and Nancy ran after him as did the rest of the band, the roadies, the stage crew, the lighting technicians, the sound mixer, the bus drivers, and just about everyone else as well. They beat him mercilessly and he was taken to the hospital where he died.

Cause of death?

A massive Heart attack.

A "Heart" attack! lol! I've gotta send that one to my brother, he likes them.


An old country gentleman and his wife were out driving one day, when a police officer pulled him over. "What seems to be the trouble young man?" asked the old gentleman. The officer said, "Excuse me sir, but didn't you notice your wife fell out of the car back there?" To which the old gentleman exclaimed, "Thank you son, I thought I went deaf!!!"

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

The blonde, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice,set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more."THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Is that you, Lord?"
The voice replied, "NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK!"

A blonde is driving down the street and is getting really annoyed at the dj on the radio who is telling one blonde joke after another.

She looks to the left and sees a blonde in a canoe in the middle of an empty field rowing like crazy.

Screeching to a halt she jumps out of her car in a rage and begins yelling at the blonde:

"You idiot! It's stupid blondes like you that give us all a bad name! Rowing a boat in an empty field? What the heck is wrong with you? No wonder there are so many blonde jokes! AND IF I COULD SWIM I'D GO OVER THERE AND BEAT THE CR*P OUT OF YOU!"