If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

Here's a quote I found funny.

"Fat people are brilliant in bed. If they are sitting on top of you, who's going to argue?"

Sorta stuff like that or whatever? LOL -

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

LOL, two good ones in a row!

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.

Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

chuck norris can touch mc hammer

"The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder." - Alfred Hitchcock

one person sits on top of another, he falls off

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

here is are two quotes from Senator Ted Stevens (R-Alaska) from the recent Senate Commerce Committee Hearings on net neutrality provisions.


"I just the other day got, an internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it yesterday. Why?"

"And if you don't understand those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and its going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material."

i believe the body is a slave to the mind. -david blaine
if one hasnt something to die for, he isnt meant to live. -martin luther king jr.

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Under capitalism, man exploits man, under communism it's the other way round. --John Galbraith

Why is it called "Alcoholics Anonymous" when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Humpty and I am an alcoholic'?

It is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine.

"What would Artemus Clyde Frog do?" - The Great Eric Cartmen

There are two theories on how to win an argument with a woman. Neither one works though.

If you can't dazzle 'em with brillance......

Baffle 'em with bulls**t.

"there's nothing more pathetic than seeing a guy pretending to be himself"

"People who go to bed with an itchy bum wake up with smelly finger."

“The machinery of capitalism is oiled by the blood of the workers.” - Homer J. Simpson

Don't be irreplaceable!

If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

"God loved the birds and invented trees. Man loved the birds and invented cages." -Jacques Deval